Gave the first scene another shot, and I'm definitely liking the figure's pose a lot more. I am definitely guilty of stealing that hairstyle from Jane's critique of my previous attempt. It just works, man. Since I'm more satisfied, that means it's time for external critique. Satisfaction is the devil, you know. >:
In the mean time, I'll go back to the second scene. Might post the next sketch I do for it in this post, if I do it in the next few hours.
Edit:
Ahahaaaa... I have no intention of wasting time drawing loads of lily pads, but I think this is my laziest mass of circles yet. Not sure how I feel about this one in general, though. I kind of like the twisting of his torso and how it comes off as kind of sinuous and fishytwisty (look it up), but I think the girl might be too central. Also, in general, I'm not entirely sure it fits the theme I'm going for, but I can't put my finger on what's contradicting it.
Edit:
Ahahaaaa... I have no intention of wasting time drawing loads of lily pads, but I think this is my laziest mass of circles yet. Not sure how I feel about this one in general, though. I kind of like the twisting of his torso and how it comes off as kind of sinuous and fishytwisty (look it up), but I think the girl might be too central. Also, in general, I'm not entirely sure it fits the theme I'm going for, but I can't put my finger on what's contradicting it.
Personally, I kind of liked it more when the mermaid was looking at the girl, it gave me a nice narrative, like if he knows her/likes her/curious because he some how ended up in a pond, you know? Because in the illustration right now, the story I think is kind of vague, still a cool interesting illustration but it doesn't catch my attention as the pervious one did.
ReplyDeleteHummm. I think you've pointed out a significant issue at the core of the narrative I'm trying to convey. In the original, he was facing the girl, but his eyes were closed - cause he was sleeping. The concept is supposed to be two neighbouring world's that are utterly ignorant of each other, despite being so closely linked. Since they're unaware of each other, the concept is inherently boring, as you pointed out.
DeleteI dunno though... Do I want to change the theme for the sake of interest? Maybe. But then on the flip side, a creature looking curiously or longingly at a pretty girl unaware of its presence is kind of overdone too. I'll sleep on it.
Although I wonder what everyone else's thoughts on the matter are.
i think having the hook hanging in front of his face lends enough anticipation of what's happening or going to happen, in terms of conveying narrative.
Deleteviewer's pov ---
first image. "okay, she's fishing. stupid, she's not even paying attention to her line."
second image. "...she's trying to catch a merman-creature?! or she's not?... doesn't she know there's a mythical being near her? what's going on..."
clearly there is an element of uncertainty, but i supposed it adds to the mystery of the setup. obviously it's not as compelling as a budding romance or some extremely human feeling like that.
if you're going to leave it like this, i recommend adjusting the line of the fishline -- have it sway or curve a little in the water. towards his face. puhahaha.